The Titanics Swimming Pool

Is the only thing still working as designed.

Welcome to the deep web - deep not dark - down about as deep as you can get, a webspace that does not use cookies nor any other covert or overt tracking devices.
 

Deep down in the part of the web that is not concerned about monetizing the content in order to create it, a part of the web that is, like the titantics swimming pool, still working.

~~~Behold~~~
~~~~the~~~~~~~
~~~~~ocean~~~~~
~~~~~~of~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~words~~~~~
 

~icebUrg~
 

IMPORTANT NOTE: The rules of punctuation and spelling and grammar, such as they is/was/are/were, have changed many times since they were first chiselled in stone and even more times since one had to pluck a duck and squeeze a squid and those who are aware of the significance of second declension nouns as they relate to words of non Latin origins ~ be aware~ there is plentii enmanglementii of ~ what ever word assembly rules ~ you have hitherto held in your head ~ ahead ~

Imagine ~ an iceburg adrift in a freezing ocean ~ it's occupied by all sorts of things ~ but only by the kind of things that would rather be on an iceburg with other things ~ than freezing in the water on their lonesome ~

Anyway ~ to suit the porpoise of this story ~ not saying that there are porpoises in this story ~ because the metaphorical iceburg of which I squeak is mostly populated by penguins ~ penguins who have huddled together for warmth and security and all of whom mutter among themselves penguinishly until ~ inevitably~ a bunch of them decide that they can steer the iceburg better than them long in the tooth walrus's who seemingly spend all their lives lazing on the edge of the iceburg flapping their tails ever so slowly in the water ~

The walrus say ~ and I know this because I have heard what they have said many times ~ they speak to many things ~ they say ~ if you want to change the direction of any iceburg then you must get a grip and get your feet wet and then paddle the iceburg in that direction ~ the walrus say ~ we are happy doing what we are doing on the edge of this iceburg and more than happy with the momentum we have built up ~

Now ~ I don't want to disparage penguins like some other things like to do when they think I am not listening ~ so what if they have flat heads ~ beady eyes ~ pointy noses ~ and they are always complaining that their bums are too close to the ice ~ so what if they can't soar like an albatross ~ rawr like a polar bear or splash about like a long toothed Walrus ~ I like penguins ~ when they are not huddling together on the iceburg ~ they are a sleek and graceful fish ~

Penguins definitely have their place in the scheming of things ~ things is ~ the Walrus know they have been the only ones flapping their tails ~ in any direction ~ for a very long time and the scientific fact that the iceburgs momentum is more dependent on the prevailing wind and the underwater currents than it is on the individual flaps and splashes of their tails has not escaped them ~

The narwhals say that the iceburg could actually be a metaphorical conglomeration of all the drips that voted for any political party in any election ~ ever ~ remember ~ all political parties only have a small percentage of voters who belong to the actual party as 'visible' members ~ the rest are only visible on polling day ~ but narwhals look too much like unicorns to be considered a verifiable source of credible information ~

Them narwhals are real pricks by the way ~ fancy calling all the worthy citizens ~ who vote ~ for all the right democratic reasons ~ drips ~

It's hard to squeak "to" flocking penguins about any thing other than how cold their bums are ~ and have been ~ and are going to be ~ when they are huddling and its much flocking harder to squeak generally "about" flocking penguins without unintentionally hurting their individual feelings ~ particularly if any of the flocking penguins tend to over personalise every flocking thing they hear and if others haven't made enough flocking mistakes to learn anything about latitude ~ longitude ~ isosceles triangles ~ dodecahedrons ~ albatross necklaces and/or the navigational knack of factoring in the occasional bump from an ill fated ship and/or another iceburg ~

So ~ moving ~ global~warming~ly ~ forward ~ with a slowly ~ melting ~ metaphor ~ by ~ squeaking about what I know ~ that I know the walrus know ~ it's all good ~ I know ~ they know ~ I know ~ and it's a thing that maybe the penguins might not know ~ and that thing is that one of the effects of the splashing of the tails ~ is to discourage the polar bears from climbing aboard the iceburg ~ so they can start eating penguins ~ walrus ~ and ~ albatross eggs ~

Anyhow ~ and as might be remembered from paragraphs previous ~ the iceburg is drifting into warmer water and as it does so ~ the iceburg in question is looking less and less like a typo and even though as everyone knows ~ them pricks ~ the __nar,whals always make a point of pointing out perceived negatives and ~ being the pricks they are ~ they will insist that if the rules are not being followed exactly ~ or the same rule is being broken over and over again with no penalty ~ then something fishy is definitely going on ~

Thing is ~ that something fishy is always going on in an ocean full of fish and the spelling of “iceburg” is entirely intentional because as everyone familiar with AutoCarrot and the wavy little line that appears under piss_smellings would be aware ~ iceburg is correctly spelt with an e ~ however ~ to suit the porpoise of the story thus far ~ iceburg has been spelt with the letter U so it floats on a wavy line and in doing so ~ looks more like an iceberg ~ than iceberg does ~

And thus ~ the subtlety of the porpoise of this story is ever so slowly being concealed and whilst those pricks the __nar,whals will ~ no doubt ~ as a result of reading the previous paragraph ~ point out that __nar,whal is not how narwhal is spelt according to the rules of the wavy line ~ tho they will be secretly delighted that “to suit the porpoise of the story” ~ narwhal is written in such a way that__nar,whal is more life like and less clumsy than they usually appear with __abighorn and a comma for a flipper and after a period of time elapses ~ will tell everyone that ~ of course ~ it could only have been a __nar,whal who defied the wavy line in the first place ~

In the mean time ~ the ___nar,whals will persistently point out points like ~ What is the porpoise of the story squeaking about? ~ Is there ever going to be any point to all this blubber? ~ What about the walrii ~ and where is the deep see turtle ~ and why does the porpoise insist on using 3 or more ands ~ in the same sentence? ~

Did you notice how the ___nar,whal plural of walrus ~ walrii ~ looked even more walrus than walrus does ~ due to the fact that the double eyes have walrus looking teeth? ~

The next part of this story wasn't going to be about flocking penguins because ~ in the big scheming of things ~ not much of this story is about flocking penguins ~ this next part of the story was to be about a deep see turtle and maybe the albatross egg or perhaps even an equilateral triangle ~ but ~ somehow ~ this next part of the story seems to be about flocking penguins so everyone who likes a good turtle in a story is going to have to wait a bit flocking longer before we get to the meet of this story ~

A hitherto unknown fact about flocking penguins ~

Part of the dynamic for penguins ~ when it comes to getting a grip on any iceburg ~ is that when penguins huddle ~ they "naturally" create what is known as a pool of contentment ~ a warm puddle of bum warming water which is created partially by the bum and foot movements of the penguins as they huddle, shiver and complain ~ but mostly by ~ you guessed it ~ by fresh penguin piss ~ with the occasional sneaky poo ~

Now ~ almost as soon as the penguins leave their pool of contentment their piss freezes until ~ to a floater on the ocean and the flocking penguins ~ the iceburg looks like it is entirely made from penguin piss ~

RRRRRRRRRR ~ said Cameo the Pi-RRRaT ~ what kind of a stoRy is this, why are ye talking about the piss out of penguins ~ EnuFF ~ Eye don't want to RRRead any moRe about flocking penguins ~ leave them squatting in theiR pool of contentment ~ Eye want ~ Nay ~ DEMAND ~ to heaRRR moRRRe about __naRRRR,whal and the walRii and maybe some hithR2 unknown facts about deep see tuRRRtles and while you aRe at it ~ in futuRe ~ spell walRii the Pi-Rat way ~ it looks even more walrusishly walRii than walrii ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ a significant amount ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~~ ~ ~ ~ of time ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ passes ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ until ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

Where you just been ~ asked the walRii of the porpoise ~

Where everyone speaks according to THE rules ~ Squeaked the porpoise ~

That sounds very drii ~ replied the walRii ~

Some like it drii ~ said the deep see turtle with a twinkle in her eye ~ in fact ~ some insist on drii and cannot change their opinionii ~ try trying to teach a tortoise how to fish for example ~ they look almost exactly like me ~ they got the beak for catching the fish ~ but ~ they don't have the wings to get close enough to catch the fish ~ Sure ~ they understand the theory and with furious effort can toe-paddle for short distances ~ but the thing about theory that the theoreticians frequently ~ some would say conveniently ~ neglect to share ~ the thing that every practitioner has learnt the hard way is ~
that in theory ~ practice and theory are of equal value ~ yet in practice ~THEY~ ARE ~ NOT~

~ Very Deep ~ said the walRii ~

~ Very Deep ~ said the porpoise ~

Knee Deep stood the penguins in their pool of contentment murmuring ~

~ it's cool if we leave ~
~ it's cool if we stay ~
~ but ~ ~ but ~ ~ but ~
~ what are the rules? ~
~ and WHY must we play? ~

Stop picking on the penguins ~ said the Pi-Rat ~
Stick to the point ~ said the ~~nar,whals who were even more impressed with the porpoise of the story who had just further improved their image by changing their ~~horn so it appears more google-wiki-verifiably correct = like a spiral tooth growing out of the upper jaw ~

The point? ~ asked the porpoise of the story with a sparkle in it's eye ~ surely you mean stick it to the plot?~

Another ~ ~ ~ ~ slightly longer ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ and ~ imperceptibly ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ more significant ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ amount of ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ time ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ passes ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ until ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

“It is wee Penguins who have sovereign rights over the iceburg ~ not the walRii” ~ said the biggest beaked penguin ~ to the longest toothed walRii ~

That may be ~ as that may be ~ but do the fleas on a penguin ~ have sovereign rights upon that penguin ~ replied the longest toothed walRii ~

Who else but fleas would have sovereign rights upon the liceburg ~ Questioned a sovereign flea~

Not meaning to spoil the plot ~ opined a squid ~ ~ but as Peril Point approaches ~ the words ahead are about to display the lack of adequate adjectives that will adequate flea describe all the trials and tribulations of all the drips that ever dropped ~ drips that have stuck with the iceburg ~ stuck to it through thick and thin ~ and let us not forget all the the poor drips that dropped on the iceburg and ~ through no fault of their own ~ are destined to be stepped on and stomped on and other things far ~ far ~ far ~ far ~ far ~ far less delightful ~ in the pool of contentment ~

Peril Point ~ When the keel of every battle ship is laid it is known to all involved that one day a Peril Point will be reached and from the day the ship is launched ~ every decision by it's captain ~ and every course plotted by it's navigator ~ brings it closer and closer to Peril Point ~ that perilous point at which ~ no matter which way the ship turns ~ it is into clear and present danger ~ this is also true for iceburgs ~ which ~ as you may have noticed ~ the word iceburg has been getting smaller as this story has being told ~ sure ~ its only become ensmallerated by 1 font size ~

Yep ~ a mere 1 font down size ~ and surely ~ a 1 font downsize is within acceptable limits ~ and nothing to be alarmed about ~ yet ~ but ~ because a significant amount of time had passed ~ like ripples on the ocean ~ every surface of the iceburg is now swarming with fleas ~ the pool of contentment is scabbed over with the carcassii of fleas ~ intermingled with lots and lots of penguin bones and lots ~ and lots ~ and lots ~ and lots ~ of plastic ~ little bite size pieces of plastic ~ a plethora of plastic pieces ~ of every conceivable shape ~ every conceivable type ~ every conceivable colour ~ and every conceivable size ~ every piece of plastic that had ever been eaten ~ by all the things ~ that had been eaten by the things ~ that penguins like to eat ~

~ NOW WE OWN THE LICEBURG ! ~
~ sang all the blueish shelled fleas ~
~ NO ! WE OWN THE LICEBURG ! ~
~ sang all the greenish shelled fleas ~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~ WE WAS BORN HERE ~~~~~
~~ SO WE OWN THE LICEBURG ! ~~
~ shouted all the blueish shelled fleas ~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~ NO ! WE WAS BORN HERE ~~~~~
~~~~~ WE OWN THE LICEBURG ! ~~~~~
~~ shouted all the greenish shelled fleas ~~
 

And then ~ with out a further word to each other ~ nor any mention of imaginary friends and the rights of ownership over naturally occurring objects that they can bestow ~ Peril Point was reached ~ and a most furious flea fight to the death ~ erupted ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Alas ~ when all is said and done ~ this is ~ at best ~ a quirky story ~ not a novel ~ and thus there is no room to dwell upon any of the glorious achievements of any of the fleas in the furious flea fight for total domination over all the drips that made up the metaphoric iceburg ~ of which there were many ~ which is only a shame ~ if you like reading about flea fights ~ because it was only after the last greenish flea succumbed to the wounds it suffered killing the last blueish flea that the cracks started to appear in the albatross egg and slowly ~ tho some would say very reluctantly ~ a baby albatross emerged into the sun light ~

And then ~ to suit the porpoise of the story ~ the baby albatross waddled ~ very ~ very ~ very ~ reluctantly through the devastation created by sovereign rights ~ flea bites and plastic pollution down to the edge of the iceburg and hopped up onto the back of the deep see turtle ~

Every single thing that has happened in this story thus far ~ has happened to suit the porpoise of the story ~ said the deep see turtle to the baby albatross as they swam away from the iceburg ~

I have no idea what you might be saying ~ and even less idea how it is that anyone would expect a newborn albatross to understand the porpoise of this story ~ I only just hatched ~ I haven't had time to learn how to sqwark albatross let alone talk turtle or squeak porpoise ~ I've had nothing to eat and my bum is getting cold and wet ~ thought the baby Albatross ~

The porpoise of this story ~ said the deep sea turtle as they swam further away from the iceburg ~ will help you to understand as much as it can dear little albatross ~ do keep in mind that the porpoises in this story might have changed many times during the telling of this story ~ I know for sure that what the porpoise thought it was trying to say in the middle where the story started isn't what it thought it was going to be saying at the beginning of the end of the end ~ which is where ~ I think ~ we are at now and maybe that won't make any sense to a new born albatross who has never had a sovereign flea issue ~ but the point is that it doesn't really matter how long it takes the porpoise to get around to the pointy part of this story ~ because ~ as you've seen with your very own eyes ~ it's not been much of a strain to follow where these words flow ~ and flow they do ~ despite the total lack of full stops ~ and commas ~ and one has to admit ~ little waves ~ in between the words ~ seems to work rather well ~ and suit the exact porpoise of this exact story ~

Anyways ~ the saddest part of this story is about to be told ~ and it is a thing so so very sad ~ a thing that is so sad that I should have saved us both the time ~ and wrote the word tragic ~ and that thing is ~ that all the plastic that was eaten out of the ocean ~ by all the things that had been eaten by all the things that all the penguins and walRii like to eat ~ will all float back into the food chain the moment the iceburg melts ~

It seems I can understand turtle and porpoise now ~ sqwarked the baby Albatross in fluent albatrossian ~ but how am I ~ a baby Albatross who has little furry stumps for wings ~ be expected to save the entire food chain from eating plastic and iceburgs from melting ~

As important as those two things are ~ the algae that makes 90% of the oxygen that we all need to breathe is getting overheated by the sun ~ now ~ I know you are only a baby albatross ~ who has little furry stumps for wings ~ that is sitting on the back of a deep see turtle ~ adrift in a warming ocean ~ and now that you have seen with your very own eyes the utter destruction that plastic causes ~ and now you know about the die back of the deep sea algae ~ the situation will be even more despicable after I have told you where plastic comes from ~ and all about the machines that have been built ~ machines that consume enormous amounts of free oxygen ~ .
Let me get this clear ~ said the baby albatross ~ If I eat anything that has eaten plastic it will eventually kill me ~ not only is the oxygen that I need to breathe being burnt by the things that make the plastic that the things I eat eat ~ but new oxygen isn't being made in sufficient quantities by the deep sea algae and other things that make the air that every creature on earth needs ~

 The uncomfortable truth ~ revealed ~ said the deep see turtle ~

Fleas ~ swore the baby albatross ~ what am I to do ~

One day those little furry stumps of yours will be majestic wings and you will soar amongst the rainbows ~ as one with the clouds ~ up there in the thin air ~ on the wing to every where ~ every time your bum gets cold ~ or wet ~ you will remember ~ because you must never forget ~ the desolation of the iceburg you were born on ~ and what caused it ~ I can't tell you exactly what you have to do ~ you have to find that out for yourself ~ if you want to have a future ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

And, at the bitter end of it all ~ the difference between fact and fiction ~ is that fiction must make sense ~ it needs to have a middle ~ a beginning and an end ~ otherwise it is just gibberish nonsense ~ real life has no such constraints ~~~~~